THIS IS MY BATHROOM! GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM! I NEED TO PUKE!

hahahah
Oh, Lifetime Movies...
You please me, so!

"Pretty special, you got that right."

(Thanks to Bobby Hacker for this one...) PEEPTOTE!

FTW IS A PEEPTOTE?

I imagine it's a lady poot.

RETARD, PLEASE. (This guy's a way better rep. than Corky Thatcher ever was.)

FUCK. This is pure parental evil. Hilarious. Terrible.

Just watch the pain.
You will never see pain this pure elsewhere.
X-Box for christmas? Nope. Long Underwear.

MORE AWESOME: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A KID???

WHYTHEFUCKDOYOUHAVEAKID.COM

KHARMA: Cheating whorebag and boss/banger get PWND! SHE ATE HIS PENIS!

A Singapore man and his secretary were exchanging mouth love in a car when a car smashed them from behind and
BOOM! You guessed it. Detachable penis.

According to reports in the China Press and Sin Chew Daily-
The 30 year old whore was blowing her Big Boss Daddy in a car in a Singapore park when
their car was struck by a reversing van.
The impact caused her to chomp down hard on Boss Daddy's wiener...

As if that wasn't the worst that could happen, the entire incident was witnessed by a private detective who had been hired by the woman's husband to spy on her.

The detective says that shortly after 'parking', the car was hit by the van. He heard the woman shriek and then saw her emerge with her face covered in blood.

The investigator did the right thing and called 911... or whatever the Singapore equivalent is.

FOR YOU BACONITES: BACONAISSE... WHY NOT?

...AND TOP IT OFF WITH SOME BACON SALT!

MAGGIE THE PUG FELL IN THE TOILET.

poor thing.

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST HILARIOUS THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN. 'Cos video games is serious bizness.

I think he throws up at the end.
This is amazing. Holy shit. I can't even take it.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!!??!?!?!?!

HOORAY! THIS KID RETURNS FROM THE LAND OF THE DEAD!

He IS a zombie.

I have PIG COLD so chances are I will be pretty quiet for a couple o' days... in the meantime ENJOY!

ENJOY!

fuck. Sometimes shit is just fucking adorable.

Not just because it's a POM, but because it's the cutest shit EVAR.

FUCK IT. I'M ON THE WAY TO HELL, SO MIGHT AS WELL LAUGH...

FUCK.

I actually saw this a while ago on a&e or the discovery channel...
I think I want one.

Afraid. FTW?!

ftw.
for rilly real.

DON'T LIKE MEXICANS?? BUILD A MOAT!

Let's face it. Border control has been a problem... but the good folks of Yuma, Arizona have a solution.
They're not going to put up a fence. They're not going to put more officers out.
They are going to build... a moat.
A moat, you say? The medieval kind? The kind they have in Disney world?
Yes, friends. That kind of moat.
The pros: It will supposedly "restore nature" in the vast no man's land that is known as "Hunter's Hole".
This is a place where bodies are dumped and drugs are smuggled in. The land in question will be re-seeded and re-planted and re-all kinds of things that will cater to preserving such endangered critters as the "Yuka Clapper Rail".
New walking trails and fishing areas will be created. "Instead of damaging the environment, we can improve it.", they say.
The Cons: Are they gonna drop some gators in and build long wooden spikes at the bottom? Because I'm pretty sure Mexicans can swim.

GLOWING MONKEYS HAVE GLOWING BABIES... FTW?

Talk about fucking with nature.

Remember those glowing puppies?
Well, Japanese scientists have genetically engineered monkeys whose bits and pieces glow green under a certain light...
and they passed that glow on to their offspring!
This is the first such happening in any primate.

FUN FACTS ABOUT GROSS SHIT.

http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Health/Why-Does-My-Body-Do-That.html

CLICK IT.
INCLUDES: HICCUPS, GOOSE BUMPS, EYE TWITCHES, STOMACH RUMBLES AND MORE.

Jesus. FTW?

Uh... frightening.

OH MY GOD. THE RETARDED POLICEMAN BANGS HIMSELF.

I FUCKING LOVE IT.
THIS IS JUST FUCKING SEXY.

PREGNANCY IS A DISEASE CURED BY SHMA-SHMOR-SHION.

THIS IS HOW I'D REACT. WHY IS IT COMEDY?

Sexually Transmitted Baby - watch more funny videos

PERMANENT NUTFACE GARY

He busted a nut in your KFC.

Permanent Nutface Gary - watch more funny videos

I LOVE ZACH GALIFIANAKIS.

No one gives a fuck.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

THE BIGGEST HARD-ON IN ALL OF KOREA

NO... IT'S NOT KIM JONG IL!
IT'S THE THING IN THIS GUY'S TROUSERS!

I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT HATING LADY KAKA. I DON'T THINK SHE'S KAKA ANYMORE...

I THINK SHE'S KOO-KOO.
... and gloriously so.
HOlY shitparcel. For days, now... Jimmy's been telling me to check out this Lady KooKoo
performance.
I ignored him because I hate her fucking hideous dance music and her style is vile.
NOW I'M EATING MY WORDS.
HOLY SHIT. THIS FRUITCAKE IS AWESOME.
WHY THE FUCK IS SHE MAKING THE CHEEZE WHIZ CRAPOLA SHE PUTS OUT WHEN SHE IS CAPABLE OF BEING BATSHIT NUTTY AND SINGING LIKE JUDY GARLAND CHANNELING ELTON JOHN?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!??!
DEAR LADY KOO KOO
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST COME OUT OF THE CLOSET AND BE THE TRUE MANIAC THAT YOU ARE??????
(also, let your penis dangle.)

IMPRESSED. ENTERTAINED. I'LL EVEN STOP BITCHING ABOUT HOW YOU STOLE MY HAIRCUT'S COOL FACTOR. ya.

DEAR LADY KAKA...

WHY DID NOBODY TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T WEAR CONTROL-TOP PANTYHOSE
WHEN YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANYTHING ELSE???!?!?!

Ugh. The only thing more vulgar and annoying than this creature's music is her visage. What the Fug?!?!!?

I see ZERO improvement.

FTW?! Long, Hard, Spock.

Hmmm.
Kiddie Pornalicious?

and 75 DOLLARS?????

YOU THOUGHT SLOW LORIS WAS ADORABLE? WAIT TILL YOU MEET THIS FUCKING... CHICK-HAMSTER THING.

It's a Pygmy Jeroba (Thanks to my dear friend Caroline, I now have a new thing that I can whine about not having.)

Bill Chambers was right. This DID make my day.

Although the sun is nowhere in sight, Steve Harley is a little ray in disguise.
WHORE-AY!
The end is the best part. Possessed by aliens. Awesomeness.

Mr. T pities the fool who doesn't respect their mother.

She took his temperature.

I don't know about you, but I feel like buying a chair.

This commercial is awesome. I totally believe him.

... AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DISGUSTING:

Fuck.
No eggs for me. Ever. Again.

IT'S A WHAT?

CLICK TO ENLARGE PIC

UM...

I LOVE DIRTY WATER DOGS.

Oh, shut the fuck up.
We've all eaten one.
That's the only reason I'm posting this... so you can harass these vendors and make them think you're crazed stalkers who know too much about their lives beyond hot dogs.
I also fucking love the chestnuts in the winter.

Uh... I guess he's fucking happy that he got his braces off.

HE GOT HIS BRACES OFF. HE LOOKS REALLY HANDSOME.

how fucking HIGH is this retard?

HOLY SHIT. MOTHERFUCKER'S GOT BLING!

I guess this is why we stole shit from them.
Native Americans were blinging out their teefs 2500 YEARS AGO.

STOP. PUSSY TIME!

IT'S NOD AH TOOMOR!!!

Arnie always told us he'd be back...
BEHOLD ARNOLD THE GOVERNATOR... IN JAPAN.

In Japan, even the gangbangs look organized.

WHORE-AY!
Japan just set a NEW WORLD RECORD!!!
250 men and 250 women gathered to participate in THE WORLD'S BIGGEST ORGY.
Looks pretty WILD AND OUT OF CONTROL, eh? ho hum.
Spencer Tunick must have shot this sexcapade.

What a lovely couch. Is that Nigger Brown?

Doris Moore went shopping for a couch... and found a lovely 3 piece set.
They brought home their couch/love seat/chair trio only to have their 7 year old child find the label which
indicated that the couch was:

Description: Sofa

Po. No#: HS061-7
Net Weight: 67KG
Gross weight: 75.4KG
Color: Nigger Brown.
Item: Abby

KingSoft Corp. says it is the fault of a "translator program" and that it was actually supposed to say "NIGER".
Mrs. Moore wants more than just an apology... the racist couch has alienated her from her family...

“Something more has to be done. We don’t just need a personal apology, but someone needs to own up to where these labels were made, and someone needs to apologize to all people of color,” Moore said. “I had friends over from St. Lucia yesterday and they wouldn’t sit on the couch.”

What I want to know is WHY THE FUCK THEY LET THE 7 YEAR OLD ROUGH UP THE BRAND NEW COUCH?!?!?!?!?
Fucking Kids.

I love it when old people are crazy.

This old broad chose to show her patriotism... with fairly terrifying contact lenses...
that and her creepy fucking smile.
I hate America.

HOLY FUCK, MOM. I DID NOT WANT TO SEE YOU DO...

... THAT!!!!!!


(CLICK PICS TO ENLARGE THEM...!!!)







whythefuckdotheyhaveakid?!?!!?