Monday, June 8, 2009

You say it's your birthday?

Birthdays. Not a fan of having them... but I don't mind watching other people get old.
If you're bored with the conventional 2 dollar card and yellow cake,
here's what you COULD be doing on your birthday in:

ARGENTINA: 15th birthday, you get a Waltz. Older than 15? I guess you get coal.
ARUBA: You get to give EVERYBODY ELSE A GIFT. Aruban children bring gifts to school for all the students and teachers on THEIR OWN birthdays. Ftw? That's crap.
BOLIVIA: 16th birthday, you get a Waltz and you have to wear white. I'd rather live in Argentina. Less work.
BRAZIL: A yank on the earlobe for every year of your life. Nobody is happy you were born.
CANADA: People chase you, tackle you, then smear butter on your nose. In Quebec, they punch you for every year you've lived.
CHINA: Noodles. You get noodles. No cake, no gifts... noodles.
DENMARK: Your loved ones fly a flag for you. It's probably a white flag because you're surrendering to an eventual death.
ECUADOR: 15th birthday, you get a pink dress. Sorry, boys. That's all you get. Use it or lose it.
ENGLAND: You get a cake with coins and other assorted small objects baked inside. If you find a coin in your piece of cake, you will be rich. If you accidentally swallow one, you choke and possibly die.
GERMANY: Single men have to sweep the stairs of city hall on their 30th birthday... this is to signify that they are less desirable than a public janitor.
HUNGARY: Another ear pulling nation, this ear tug comes with a bizarre chant that wishes for you to live so long that your ears touch your ankles. More vitriol.
JAMAICA: You get floured. If you look tasty, you get baked... I mean, it IS Jamaica, mon.
NEPAL: Yogurt on your forehead. I don't even have anything to say about it. Yogurt. On your head.
SOUTH AFRICA: You get a key... to the future. One possible future.
VIETNAM: Your birthday is new years day no matter when you were born. Deal with it.

I'm happy I never have to worry about birthdays... you humans keep getting older, we cyborgs stay the saaaaame age.

happy birthday.